everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
