Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
