don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
