One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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