What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
