You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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