I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
