Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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