Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
