its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We have started to decorate penises.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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