Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
