Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
