Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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