Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
