a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
