sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
