she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You ruined the universe
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
