Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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