she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
