I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
