You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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