you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
