i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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