bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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