the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
