Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
