The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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