So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
