do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No subtext here. People are naked.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
