but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
