Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
