I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
