I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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