Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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