Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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