theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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