i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
