Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
