i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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