Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
