Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
