We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
