Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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