Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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