Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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