i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
