porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
