I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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