Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
