Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
