at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
