She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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