I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
